


Let Me Help You

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e06 Monsters, First Kiss, Happy Ending, Hurt Eddie Diaz, Light Angst, M/M, Season/Series 03, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-12 05:04:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21228749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Buck notices something is up with Eddie, but every time he tries to talk about it Eddie shuts down or flees the room. Until one night Eddie shows up at his apartment, shaken and upset, and the truth finally comes out.





	Let Me Help You

**Author's Note:**

> So the new episode had me feeling all sorts of things, and this is just my first attempt at writing through them.

The first sign that something is wrong, besides Eddie's cold demeanor, is the black eye he's sporting and his flimsy excuse how he got it. 

Buck doesn't believe for a second that it came from roughhousing with Christopher. Even if they were, Eddie wouldn't be that rough. At least not enough to result in that gnarly black eye. But he doesn’t get to question it. Eddie is still too pissed at him to even consider talking to him, but Buck can’t shake the feeling that something is off with Eddie.

The second sign is the way Eddie winces and immediately puts distance between them after their hug. Buck can see the obvious pain on his face, even as he tries to hide it. Again, he doesn’t get to ask him about it since Bobby shows up, and by the time they're done Eddie has disappeared.

Buck forgets about it in the chaos of the next few hours of finding a man stuck in a woman's windshield. 

He comes to work the next day, excited to finally fully be back to work. He sees Eddie in the locker room and smiles, approaching at a quiet pace so he can surprise him. 

Then he sees the bruises marring Eddie's back in various shades of purple and green and yellow, clearly in different stages of healing. 

Eddie turns then, as if feeling his eyes on him. He sees where Buck's gaze is and quickly puts on his shirt. 

"Eddie…"

"Don't," Eddie says.

"But what happened?" Buck asks, taking a hesitant step forward. 

Eddie steps back, "Nothing. It's not…"

"What? Any of my concern?" 

Buck sees the flash of regret on Eddie's face at the obvious bitterness in Buck's voice. He takes a step closer. "No Buck. I… I just need you to trust that I'm alright."

"Alright? You're covered in bruises Eddie."

“Can you please just drop this?” Eddie pleads. “I have it under control.”

“What…?”

His words cut off at the sound of voices coming towards them. A moment later, Hen and Chimney enter the locker room. It's the perfect timing for Eddie to make his escape. Buck sighs as he watches him go, feeling like he's somehow let him down. 

That’s not the end of it. Now that Buck knows something is going on he keeps watching him. He puts on a good front when they’re on calls, but Buck doesn’t miss the discomfort and pain in his features when he turns a certain way, or when someone touches him. 

It’s harder to confront Eddie about it now that Eddie is aware Buck knows, at least something. He might not know exactly what’s happening, but he knows it isn’t good. How could it be when it leads to Eddie coming home all beaten up the way he is.

“How’s Chris?” Buck asks one night towards the end of shift. He’s seen him a few times since him and Eddie made up, but he still misses the kid.

“Better,” Eddie says. “His nightmares are happening less frequently, so that’s good. I think having you around has helped with that. I don’t know what you told him that first night, but he slept like a log after he saw you.”

Buck shrugs, “I told him I had nightmares too. But I knew they weren’t real and couldn’t hurt me. Just like they can’t hurt him because he’ll always have you to help him.”

Something flashes across Eddie’s face. It looks a little like guilt. But it’s gone before Buck can figure it out. Eddie clears his throat. “Thanks.”

Buck frowns at him when he gets to his feet with a wince, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah I’m great,” Eddie says, smiling over at him. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “I have my job, my kid, and my best friend. What could be wrong?”

_ So many things _, Buck thinks, watching Eddie walk towards the stairs. The quick retreat he’s been making so often lately. So many things could be wrong. Buck just wishes he could figure out what it is that’s hurting Eddie so he could help him.

* * *

A knock on the door startles Buck out of his already uneasy sleep. He rubs his eyes as he sits. The knocking stops, replaced with the sound of a key in the door, which then quietly opens and closes. 

Buck still just sits there, sheets pulled around his waist as he listens to footsteps on the stairs. 

Eddie emerges a moment later. It's hard to see his face from this distance in the darkness, but Buck can tell from his unsteady gait and the low grunts coming from him that he's in pain. 

Buck starts to get up, but Eddie pushes him back down on the bed. He crawls on top of him until he's straddling him and leans down, tucking his face against Buck's neck. One of his hands slips beneath his shirt and slides up his chest, coming to rest over his heart. 

Buck's frozen. He's not sure what to do. He's never seen Eddie like this. Not even when he was drunk and grieving after Shannon's death and had to crash with Buck so Christopher didn't see him. 

He doesn't seem drunk now. Buck tries to subtly inhale a deep breath, earning a snort from Eddie. "I'm not drunk. I…" he pulls back and looks down at Buck. His free hand comes up to his cheek, brushing his fingers across his skin. "I just need you."

He leans in and kisses Buck, his lips moving hard and desperate against his. Buck's once again at a loss. He wants Eddie. He wants him so bad. But not like this. Not when he's clearly going through some heavy shit. Shit he just needs an escape from. 

"I need you," Eddie whispers again. He pulls back and tucks his head against his neck again. Buck's startled by the sudden wetness against his skin as Eddie's shoulders start to shake. 

"Eddie?" Buck questions, running a hand down his back. When Eddie winces, he moves it up to his hair, needing some contact to help ground him.

"I fucked up," Eddie mutters. "God Buck, I've fucked up."

Buck's heart aches at pain his voice. "Eddie," he says, tone gentle. "What happened? Please just talk to me. Let me help you. Please."

There must be something in his voice that gets through to Eddie, because he lifts his head, his hazel eyes meeting Buck's blue ones. There's so much anguish in them. Buck wants to wrap him up in his arms and protect him from whatever is causing the pain. 

But he waits, not wanting to spook Eddie. 

"You were right," Eddie says. "There is something wrong. I… I've been street fighting."

Buck's first instinct is to be angry. Eddie's been street fighting? Doesn't he know how illegal and dangerous that is? 

But he clearly does. He wouldn't be here, looking so torn up and desperate if he didn't get it.

"Did it help?" 

Eddie looks surprised, "You're not going to yell at me?"

He cards his fingers through the hair at the back of Eddie's neck, and shakes his head. "My first thought was to yell and tell you what an idiot you are. But it seems like you already know that or else you wouldn't be here."

"I always want to be here," Eddie says. At Buck's surprised look, he sighs. "I feel safe with you Buck. I know I said I trusted you with Christopher more than anyone else, but I wasn't just talking about him. I was talking about me as well. Those few weeks without you, where I couldn't even talk to you…" Eddie shakes his head. "Those were hard. My first instinct is always to call you when something happens. You're just so damn important to me. And to be cut off from you…"

"Are you saying you started street fighting because I wasn't around?" Buck questions. 

"No of course not," Eddie says. "It's my fault. I was angry. At you and at myself for becoming so reliant on the presence of someone else that I almost didn't know how to function. I kept snapping at people, and I was afraid of being around Christopher when I was angry. I didn't want him to see me like that. He already felt like he had to hide that he’s been dreaming of Shannon because he doesn't want to make me sad. My own son was hurting and I couldn’t even do anything to help him because _ he _ was worried about upsetting _ me _.”

Buck’s heart breaks at that. He really has been missing so much. “He knows you love him, Eddie.”

“I know that. I’ve done what I could to do right by him, but I feel like I’ve let him down once again,” Eddie says. "I know how stupid and reckless I've been lately. It took seeing someone almost die tonight for the reality of it all to come crashing down on me. Just the thought of that person being me. Of something happening to me out there and Christopher losing another parent. I can't put him through that. God how could I even _ risk _ that?"

He's crying again. This time Buck doesn't hesitate. He wraps him up in his arms and holds him close. Not as tight as he wants to, but there's no telling what injuries he's hiding and he doesn't want to risk hurting him further. 

Guilt is creeping to the surface as he thinks about everything Eddie has been through. That he's had to face alone. He's not going to be alone anymore. Buck's going to make sure of that. He can't change the past but he can make a difference here in the present. Right now, he's going to give Eddie the support he needs.

"I've got you," Buck tells him. "It's okay, Eddie. We'll figure this out. Maybe find something safer for you to beat the shit out of if you need to release your anger."

Eddie smiles against his neck, "Thanks Ev."

Buck's hand stills for a moment where it's running through his hair, before he shakes himself out of it. "You've never called me that before."

Eddie pulls back to look at him, "Do you not like it?"

The thing is, Buck _ had _. He loved the way it sounded coming from Eddie. "No, I did. I'm just not used to it."

Eddie smiles. His second smile in just a few minutes. "Good."

"You can call me that again."

"Now?"

"No, I just mean you know, whenever. You can call me that."

Buck mentally slaps himself. Eddie's here having a crisis and here he is getting all excited about a name. 

But Eddie's still smiling, so that's a little reassuring. His hand comes up, fingers brushing across his birthmark. "I'm sorry I did that earlier."

"Did what?" Buck asks, leaning into Eddie's touch. 

"Kissed you," Eddie says. When Buck tenses and starts to pull back, Eddie sighs. "I wanted to. But that's not how I imagined our first kiss would go."

"You imagined our first kiss?"

Eddie nods, "I have. A lot."

Buck swallows past the nerves building in him. "And umm… how did you imagine it would go?"

Eddie's still smiling, soft and fond. "Like this."

This time, when Eddie leans in and kisses him, Buck's prepared. It's soft and sweet, and there's a tenderness in the way Eddie kisses him and touches his face that has tears stinging at his eyes. He'd be embarrassed if this night hadn't already been an emotional whirlwind.

"Ev," Eddie whispers against his lips. "Evan."

"Yeah?" 

Buck blinks open his eyes and looks at him. 

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being here," Eddie says. "For caring about me, and Christopher."

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me,” Buck tells him.

“You’re here now,” Eddie says. “That’s what matters.”

Buck supposes that’s true. He may have screwed up but he’s not going to stop trying to be better. For himself, and for Eddie and Christopher. “What do you need?”

“Some sleep,” Eddie says. “Chris is with Abuela for the night, which they were both excited about. I should probably go…”

“Or you could stay,” Buck says. “You’re already here, and no offense, but you look like shit. I don’t even know if you could make it home like this.”

Eddie opens his mouth, like he’s about to argue, only to close it again and shake his head. “You’re right. I’ll go sleep on the couch.”

Buck doesn’t let him go, “Stay. Here with me. Just to sleep. I think we could both use the company right now.”

Eddie nods. Buck watches as he kicks off his shoes, followed by his socks. “Do you have any…?”

“Second drawer on the left,” Buck says. “There’s sweats in there, and t-shirts in the drawer next to them. You still have a toothbrush in the bathroom, and there are extra towels if you want to shower.”

“Thanks Buck.”

He keeps to his feet, and Buck doesn’t miss the grimace as he moves to the dresser and grabs some clothes to change into. Buck closes his eyes as he listens to the sound of water running from the shower. He must drift off because the next thing he’s aware of is the bed dipping next to him.

He opens his eyes and looks over to see Eddie hesitating at the edge of the bed, halfway under the covers. He opens his arms and gives him a tired smile. “C’mere.”

Eddie lets out a breath and crosses the bed, tucking himself into Buck’s arms. Buck’s careful to be gentle with him as he runs a hand down his back. “Tell me if anything hurts.”

“It all hurts,” Eddie says. “But this is okay. I don’t want you to stop.”

“Okay,” Buck says, continuing his gentle touch across Eddie’s back. 

His eyes drift closed again. He feels warm and relaxed and safe with Eddie’s weight around him. He feels lips press against his jaw before words are whispered into the darkness, so quiet Buck thinks he might be dreaming them.

“I love you.”

He mumbles them back into the darkness, feeling the lips against his skin lift into a smile. Then he’s drifting off, images of soft smiles and hazel eyes and a laughing little boy filling his dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day ♥  
[My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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